bibitibabatiBOOP

It’s funny when most of the time that we feel heaven in some things; it turns out to be just a mere exaggeration of what it really is.

A mild spank on the cheek would make you go for a bit of reality check.

The short period of a month made me realize how I went against my principle of pragmatism. That everything always draws down to the practical side of things.

I cannot make everything work… still I challenged myself to hopping into things that I know I cannot manage from the very beginning.

With my not so gorgeous looks and a lot more limited resources, I don’t think a lot of patrons would drive to my inn and agree to spend a while with me.

I am freeing myself from getting drowned in this tiny aquarium I built to house the mermaids and pearls of my dreams.

This entry ends the groove that I was talking about on my previous post.

The groove is not groovy enough to pass the standards of a connoisseur.

This, when compared to pasta is a bit soggy to be aldente and a bit hard to be well made.

A chocolate-flavoured rhum. I’m acidic. It spoiled my system as an aftermath.

Who would ever blame me for riding in the bandwagon? I heard that being in love is like instead of sheep, you count stars to sleep.

The star-spangled dreams end today. Time to bring in some new stuff to count… say, my sanity cells.

I am not blaming the other party for anything that has transpired. Everything happened under my nose but I didn’t do anything to at least feel my feet on the ground. I was dreaming the whole time. No more sweet pillow kisses anymore.

The day of reckoning is back.

I was shunned by the quick turn of events but I won’t just bask in solitude for this. I’m too strong for that and for all I’m worth…

Fairy tales end too. My fairy tale is no different from others.

Bibiti-babati-boop.

Gettin` the GROOVE back2back

Being in the office the whole day is strenuous. Your brain requires to achieving an every minute exercise to cope up with the demands in the industry to survive.

My brain is deteriorating. After a while of waking up in the morning; religiously performing yoga on top of the human repository before the eternal shower, I am succumbing to burn out.

Some diversion, I reckon, would make me get pumped up again. Not necessarily a new working environment or time slot would suffice the lack I am trying to fill in.

Night of d 2nd, this month. My entire perspective, used to being downhill, turned right side up when I came across the ultimate tingle of my eternity.

I did not expect that JULY would be a good month for me, as to whatever endeavor I may want to get engaged with. It just proves that I am right since last year, same month; I landed to a job which I hailed as an opponent during college. Right now, I am its emissary [as long as it provides good dough] Haha.

My other personal encounters started in JULY last year. I got my groove back in JULY. I met my soulmate, TIN [Shut up, she's my senior webby artist and my best friend in the office who left me for greener pastures]. Also in July, I was able to redeem myself from being down with depression that my colleagues have gained paces ahead of me as I bask in unemployment.

Today, a year after that, I came across a gem that changed my negative impression on getting TiRED, because right now, it is the day to celebrate it.

A long day at work is not hard as long as you get updated on anything about the incarnate being that makes you wake up in the morning with a smile. No matter how late you sleep and how early you need to get ready for work, it’s still the same passion that enkindles you to make the most out of every single minute meaningful.

We don’t traverse to lavish and extraordinary sites to re-assure ourselves with the burning care we have for each other yet, just the thrill to be right next to what you’ve always dreamt of makes every moment fantastic!…

Who would not hope for nirvana and endless joy? Even POWER MAC doesn’t offer a few years warranty for free. I am just hoping that wherever the road may lead us be for common good, with that I will at least be ok.

I have gone through a lot in handling encounters like this one… I can’t blame myself if I still subject to such [after all the aches synonymous situations that eventually closed have brought me], but at least this is the triumph of my pursuit of happYness [Yeah, Will Smithy].

Socrates taught me that happiness should be found even in the absence of the material elements that make you feel like so… but I contest Socrates on this, because I can barely breathe if I don’t even see a familiar name on my phonebook affirming the mutual feelings we share as my mobile device hollers [you don’t know when the name appears isn’t what I expect… my heart breaks into gazillion pieces].

Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods. — SOCRATES, At least I don’t greedily aim for anything but a smile glued on my face even as I sleep.

I have not mentioned the exact universal term that I’m feeling right now throughout this entry. I don’t know how you would say it in correct English but I’m pretty sure I am officially in love. Mushy and so not me it seems but don’t you ever tell me you don’t know what that means…

Reflecting 11

I am sick. Sick of waking up every morning to prepare for office; Sick of looking for the best clothes I could wear for the brand new sickening routine of going to the FX station to trek the road for a new office work day.

Eleven months ago, I was a destitute tightening my belt to unnecessary expenses since there was no longer “baon” and allowances for school. After graduation, I realized that I already understand why working people tend to like and miss school more now that they have already emancipated from the duties of being a student. I felt it by heart… that I will be cheaper by the dozen.

Whenever there is a new film to watch, I tend to pass and just wait for an upcoming hotter [I convince myself] attraction just to save the dough. My mom was in the US testing her luck there during this time; hence, I didn’t have enough resources to just say, “Hey, there’s a cool film showing today! Wanna watch?” Nah uh. Not that way. I even considered a cheaper combo meal in a regular fast-food than the short order that I used to get as a scholar. It was tough. Transitions are really difficult especially when you’re already thinking that graduation is a step up of the food chain. My case shows otherwise.

Weng, Chuck, Jonjon, Tintin, Monique and Aida… my constant crime partners for years already, have witnessed how I have embraced poverty when my older sib was the one in-charge of the house, which I totally refuted. It even became more difficult when the previous job I had ended since I considered it as an underpaid job. Just a brief background on it, I worked for a TV ad production designer who happened to be worse than Miranda Priestley since “she” kept on sticking around even with my personal engagements. I left; also for reasons that the pro bono days are quadruple compared to the paid days with free OT. Well, it’s big when you get paid for a day’s work in the advertising industry, yeah, but if you would spread it over the days that you worked for free? Not even a hearty meal for a day would suffice for the measly amount that you get. I am officially a bum from then on.

On the remuneration issue still, the Prod Designer only gives me my salary whenever “she” feels like it. Imagine, I was enslaved for so long with a floating contract that’s why I don’t have any protection under the labor industry. After getting a degree from college; fighting a dog-eat-dog race to the end, there I was a slave of an undergrad ego-tripping self-proclaimed guru with no people management skills whatsoever.

Right now, I at least have the 15th and the 30th of the month to frolic on the fruit of my labor. Also, the company that I am currently working for had me my very first medical program at my second month of being with them! The people I am working with have great work ethics and the boss that I am under is the most fantastic boss you could ever hope and wish for; plus he never wants me to do overtime work without proper compensation. Thank you.

Eleven months ago, I am but a couch potato at home. Kyvs, who also had his issues in school back then, walked into our house and bored himself with me as we, the renegades, dug into the pile of DVDs I had on my rack and played them one after the other. I realized that getting bored with people that you value is the ultimate test in life. I bet, I am yet to pass the test.

Eleven months ago, I didn’t have my MACBOOK. I reckon the number of times I heard myself speak of having a G4 for my graduation. The G4 didn’t happen and worse, I am far from even getting an analog laptop due to my unemployment. Now, Mac-Mac is making its way to showing me the money – minus the Jerry Maguire whine.

So yes, I am sick. And I am more than willing to be sicker than this sickness just to keep myself fueled up by the tiny blessings I had in this short ELEVEN MONTHS. [So yeah, bad news to the cranky FX barker for he shall continue agonizing with the sight of my face in his early morning turf to the terminal, haha!]

As for me, it is better to face the hardships of waking up and the stress/pressure that comes with the early morning jitters [like conception brings morning sickness ahuh haha] than to experience the hardships of being stuck inside the confines of a house that’s not relinquished.

Eleven does not make sense to a pregnant woman for she must be nursing for two months already but for Me, Kyvs, My MacBook and all other personalities who walked with me through all these, eleven makes a perfect number times two and that’s another reason to celebrate!

Cheers to heaven and earth!

the INTERMENT

Today.

I received a text message from my very loving and prudent mother accusing me that I left a friend’s mother unblessed due to a dreadful miscommunication.

This brilliant friend didn’t pay my mom a visit for a brief discussion on the arrangement of their mom’s final priestly blessings, to begin with.

During our [my choir] second visit to the wake, here came brilliance announcing that she talked to the chapel mistress and was told that everything was already fine… from the chapel ceremonial hall to the priest presider.

Of course, to our surprise, we just mentioned “BRILLIANT”. It is not easy to look for a priest especially right now that scarcity is threatening the congregations. Also, the parish where the chapel we’re serving is under limits the unacknowledged burial mass rites across all of its covered churches.

Then the Interment Day comes.

Today.

SEQ1. Office Pod.DAY

Fade in

A text message came in from MOTHER. She tells me why I didn’t tell her bout the burial and the mass precedent to that. She tells me that I’ve been in the loop about it and even the closest of kin allegedly told her that I’m aware of it. It’s going to be my fault when no priest shows up, she rants.

Cut to:

MIGRAINE REACTION SHOT

Cut to:

Replied: NONE OF MY BIZ. Im not the idiotest idiot in the world not to tell the authorities that someone is in need of help.

Fade out.

Duh, I dont even have BRILLIANT’s contact details, and I doubt if she does have mine, to begin with… how could I / she contact her / me? Great.

What’s up for tomorrow?

Blah.

for SOBBING out LOUD

Love at first sight is weird… yet it happens. I don’t know why or how, but it does.

I didn’t expect CHUCK [the one on the right] would experience that to my date. Haha. Chuck is a very good friend and he always claims me as his “pamangkin” since someone else already owned me as an offspring. Haha. Of all people..

It’s funny when you realize how Chuck responded to the event when I had him introduced to this newbie. It’s different since Chuck’s the last person I would even consider marketing with this type of audience.

Basically, Chuck and I have different types… until this one. Hahaha.

I didn’t know that some his and hellos would turn the tables in a very strange manner. Chuck is a friend who knows how to care about people and I know that he’ll take care of whoever falls under his whims.

Way back ‘98 when I met Chuck, he’s already that protective type who will never let anything hurt his friends. With his nagging power, he will brush off the problem like hell. Haha. That’s why I’m pretty sure that Chuck would be a very good partner.

Last night, Tuesday, June 12, I was surprised when he and JONJON took rounds on a couple of extra sized bottles of alcohol as the former expresses his frustration to whatever he and Jonjon only know. I had a gut feeling that it’s the same reason why he’s been like that since meeting my date the other day.

Jonjon confessed that Chuck has been very emotional about it and even said that I have been very selfish with my date’s number, allegedly says Chuck… FOR SOBBING OUT LOUD! IM GIVING IT AWAY! THEY JUST NEED TO ASK COZ I DIDN’T KNOW!

It is not even morally correct to give away one person’s number without consent yet I did it anyway because I’ve been handling other peeps’ digits for eons minus their knowledge. Haha.

The point here is , whose will shall be done?

I honestly believe that it’s still mutual decision to take it to another step. Not even my influence to push them together would ever make their budding relationship fruitful.

The SUPERHERO Alter-Ego in ME…

Another reason for surfing weird sites… B-O-R-E-D-O-M. I woke up yesterday morning figuring out why I keep on sticking my ass around this company when there is a whole lot of organizations that are willing to give me more dough than this one.

However, I have strong reservations for humongous adjustments especially when I have to transfer to a different working environment, again.

Well, as my personal experience and assessment as a teen-ager, I am the type who is exaggeratingly restless. I easily get bored and I am so sorry to those guys who were affected by my lack of proper discernment during those years.

Right now, I am feeling the same doubts again… but I told myself, I need to grow up. I need to save myself from the oppression of boredom. Only me, myself and I can save me from that monstrous inkling to just bum around or to rapidly change my career path, at the least.

As I was pondering on that super alter-ego self, I came across this test about what type of superhero am I.

It asked a whole lotta questions about popularity, sympathy and generosity that would reflect my superhero counterpart.

It’s GREEN LANTERN.

Why? Because of his being “..Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.”

Well, it’s a general view of myself, actually.. after taking other personality tests that told me about my worsening paranoia, histrionics, dependence, avoidance and other forms of psychosomatic problems, I figured out that at least, this one sums up the ego that I have. Sounds bad, but hell, I wanna help my brethren at least. Haha.

I do not wanna leave the job that I have right now for reasons that I am not ready to go outside Makati yet. Second, I am still testing the waters in leading other guys to also practice my other untickled skills. Wehehehe. I know in due time I will get what I really deserve and would make every single day real worthwhile.

Gotta attend another meeting after this… I need to save my ass from another bashing of a Hotelier client. I need to present a design that I would want to incorporate into their website… to cut the crappy boredom, actually. At least I find a bit of stress to keep my arteries pumping.

So, later. May the force be with you. =P

The Domicile of my DISCONTENT

Personality assessments are not 100% accurate especially when there are no further explanations on how these generalizations came to happen. There is always a margin for error particularly when it comes to people behavior and their outlook, as well.

However…

Just for the sake of keeping myself awake in the office, I played around with some personality tests online and one really got into my attention which made me scribbling my fingers around for awhile. http://drawahouse.com/ is a site that assesses how one personality is like after asking to doodle a house that one person can think of at that moment.

I just played around with the drawing task which is the background image of my banner for this entry. It was fun because I realized that having FLASH sites like this makes a plain topic really interesting. Unlike before, when you would have to drill down to your bag or pockets to look for a pen and waste another couple of minutes looking for a scratch paper to draw at.

After around ten to fifteen minutes, alas, my house is done!

Just like any other psycho-personality tests, an assessment of three paragraphs was divulged:
“You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There’s nothing wrong with that because you’re pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It is also safe to say that others don’t see you as a flirt. You don’t think much about yourself.”

The last paragraph smote me. Hahaha. What the hell does the flower in the porch have to do with my longing for love? Haha. I just don’t think that’s right. Hahaha. Everybody longs for love of course.

Me?

The domicile of my discontent is still building to achieve its biggest satisfaction…

Like a song of old goes: “A house is not a home”.

I just yearn for a straight career path, and that, my friend, is one I would make the most out of as I travel. I still hope for the best.

Ewwww…… RANGE

The recent exodus to the new office building that I am at right now is killing my eyes. The lights are orange; panels are orange; chairs are orange. *dang* the color is so warm that it aims to get me blinded by the minute. Of course I am not convinced that this setup is giving us the best workplace in the whole world. I’m feeling woozy with the loud vibrancy of the walls; the aircon is not reaching MY POD!!!; the space is too tight. The only remedy that I can think of right now is to wear my shades and protect it from any bouncing sunny orange.
Experts say that Orange is:

1. A power color. — Yeah, it’s overpowering my fore and hindsights. I am easily developing glaucoma.

2. It is one of the healing colors. — See number 1.

3. It is said to increase the craving for food. — Oh yeah, Im getting hungry, really… and after that I will throw everything up due to drowsiness.

4. It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity. — Enthusiasm? Well, creative yeah.. hence, this blog.

5. Orange means vitality with endurance. — Endurance to blindness.

6. People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere. — I used to like my drink orange. That ends there.

7. Lady luck’s color is orange. — That sounds bad luck.

I have been told that if a change of any kind is need in life, just burn an orange candle for 7 nights, but hey, what it is doing to me right now!? It just wants me to pick up my ORANGE HIGHLIGHTER and sign my resignation letter for I can’t stand another hour viewing an orange-stricken work area.

I am not the complaints type of person in the office, yet I think I am entitled to some cozier environment than this one brings. I like subtlety when it comes to surroundings. A stark orange environment is simply irritating. ={ Lastly, I’ve no plans in changing my name RED to ORANGE.

the jury OVER Substance & Looks

Looks are superficial. We all know that fact. But however deep we do know about it and however a cliché it is to everybody, superficiality is simply in the blood.

I have forever dreamt of wearing at least a medium-sized pair of pants (28″-30″), but man, I still struggle reaching 32″ after almost ten years of massive reduction. Yeah, I lost seventy-seven pounds and that chum, is a whole lot.

Still, I dream of having the matinee idol waist line [spare me the looks, ‘coz that’s really impossible =P] that I could ever be proud of. I may be 5′10″ in height but I still feel really WIDE. It of course results to my depression. Wahaha.

I met a guy who, at his early 20’s is already a powerhouse of confidence. He always butts in with full conviction in an “I’m-not-cute-I’m-gorgeous!” attitude. I know he could pass as a print model at least [But why do other people with drop-dead looks tend to stay more humble than those guys who were just blessed with some enhancements? Maybe because they never needed anyone’s confirmation that they are being liked/loved. And so DO I! But that’s beside the point] I am still affected by the sore fact that I am not even close to the epitome of charisma.

There’s a great feeling in me that makes me think that something like lack of a sharp nose and chisel-shaped chin can contribute to your lesser chances on landing to a perfect place in the office… or the society , in general.

I don’t know, but I feel that people just get interested with you when you look exemplary good-looking… Not that I am bitter about it, but it’s just not sooooo…. Er… Catholic? [=p]

I just noticed that those who are easily loved are the ones who have smoother skin, almond-shaped eyes and SLIM-toned bodies without even lifting a finger [even after hearing one’s Carabao English and nose-picks a LOT].

Why do people of my caliber, that considers myself the average-type, who at the very least is a law-abiding citizen, a tax-payer [BIR yuhoo! fyi!] and someone who values family [understatement] and friends so much tend not to get the accolades being sought-after by many? LOOKS over SUBSTANCE, this is a forever battle of superficiality.
One thing that this guy I was talking about mentioned that almost dropped me off my chair was: “I’m gaining weight quickly, and that’s shameful to my friends”. *dang* When did getting a bit heavier become taboo?

Now, are looks a huge basis of true and never-fading love?

If your answer is YES, then you’re the ULTIMATE SUPERFICIAL SELFISH SKIN-DEEP ANIMAL!

But in fairness to the YESes, who says all is fair in love anyway? =P

Now, to answer the question why I don’t seem to get what many others are rooting for is just simple — MAYBE I ALREADY HAVE IT, I just didn’t know! *winks* [That’s the spirit! Bwahaha!]

that is PREPOSTEROUS!

To be or not to be…

I am not gorgeous enough to have my own billboard… not even a flyer.

In fairness, I have a tvc of old. Haha. It’s just that I was still a toddler back then. No traces of it anymore. Bwahaha.

830pm.Diner’s Dreemhaus.Malate. [Where place looks way better than the website, fyi =p] One of my closest school org-mates was asking me if I have been posting for a billboard project recently. I almost threw up the food that I was eating. “Are you kidding?”. That was the most bizarre thing that could ever happen to me. See equation:

me + modeling = blah.

Later that night, this same friend told me that another friend was contacting me to ask if I was that guy on the billboard in Magallanes. :0 Now, that sounds really weird. Who’s been using my pics without me earning a single centavo from it? Haha

I know I don’t even have half the quality to be striking a pose for a fashion photog. Bwahahaha. That’s preposterous and I just wanna make it clear that I’ve been working in the advertising industry for awhile but I’ve never even sub-modeled [not even for lighting purposes] in my life. Haha.

Just last night, a friend who’s not been around for a long time messaged me through Y! Chat if I have modeled with kids in a billboard posted in SM MegaMall.

Fart!

I asked one bestfriend to check it out for me — not that she’s skeptical about it, but of course, who in the right mind shall do such an obscene gesture in one of, if not the biggest mall in the country?

That’s it, I wanna see the image and go to the prosecutor’s office to file legal action against anybody who’s been posting/emulating my face. [Wishful thinking that someone even cares to imitate me - skank!]

But hey, this may be a good opportunity for me to brag the billboards off to everyone who are unfamiliar of me. Haha. I can have my own “claim-to-fame” [though I dont know what this guy's been advertising all along] that I have experienced being hung up there in superhighways and huge malls.

All I got to do right now is prepare myself to see if the guy on the ad is worth hanging on a billboard — or a rope. =P