O sige, sige.. may pagka-pilingero ako sa pamagat ng sanaysay na ito. Syempre, kailangan kong dagitin ang atensyon mo! Di ba epektibo? Hehe.

Nananahimik akong naghahapunan noong bandang gitna nang Enero, nang si Mabolo ay binulabog ako nang biglang nagpadala nang mensahe sa akin, “Si Adam Lambert“. Syempre, sino ba naman si Adam Lambert noong panahon na yun!? Di ko siya kilala. Kaya nag-reply ako: “Sino!? Ano!?”. Sumagot muli, “..American Idol, kamuka mo!” Syempre, yaman din lamang libre ang internet namin sa bahay, hindi na ko nagpatumpik-tumpik pa at tiningnan ko na kagad ang larawan nang ungas na sumisira sa imahe ko. Naks.

Napanood ko ang kanyang pag-awit mula sa awdisyon. Hindi doon nagtapos ang aking pagkalkal sa kung sino ba itong si Adam. Sabi nga ng guro ko, kailangan lahat ng bagay at aspeto ay pagmasdan bago dumating sa konklusyon. TAMA! Tinamaan ako ng magaling. Kinikilabutan ako na para bang may malamig na hangin na umihip sa likod ko habang pinapanood ko ang buong palabas. Kinilig din ako na tila ba naiihi ako sa pagkabalisawsaw. Parang ganun. Alam mo na yun!

Kinabukasan, nagkita kame ng mga kaibigan naming Chinoy sa Binondo para sa misa ng Chinese Nu Yir. Nabanggit sa akin na may kamuka raw ako sa naturang palabas. Alam ko na… kumalat na ang ebola. Hindi ko na maaapula ang pagsikat ko dahil sa husay at taglay na “arrive” nang GUMAGAYA SA AKIN na si Adam. Bwahaha. Iilan lamang ang mga babasahin ukol sa kanya sa internet. Dahil na rin siguro sa hindi pa siya masyadong nakikilala sa larangan nang telebisyon, sapagkat siya na rin mismo ang nagsabi, ang entablado ang kanyang tahanan.

Pilit ko mang hindi isinasaksak sa utak ko ang aming pagkakahawig ay naintriga talaga ako, at inaamin ko, lumala ang pagka-pilingero ko na kame ay magkabungo. Inabangan ko siya bawat Linggo sa mga dumaan na palabas nang naturang kompetisyon. Maging ang aking AVATAR sa YM ay naging larawan ni Adam na may 3 o 4 na kataong napagkamalang akin nga ang imahe. Umigting ang aking pagkiling sa kanyang presensya. Habang siya ay nakikilala at nakikilatis, dumarami rin ang aking taga-hanga. Harhar. Dumami ang nakaalala sa akin, maging ang mga taong matagal ko nang hindi nakakausap o nakikita ay nagteks. Saan man ako mapunta, sa opisina, paaralan, kliyente at kung saan-saan pa… eto na ang aking “BIG BREAK”. Sa kabila nang kanyang kasikatan, si Adam ay nanatiling tapat sa kanyang pangarap na pasikatin ang AMING BITUIN. Naglabasan rin ang mga hindi kaaya-ayang balita ukol sa kanya sa kabilang banda, gaya nito.

Sabi ko na nga ba. Si Adam ang sagot sa aking karukhaan at di na ako  muling mababaon sa utang kung susuwertehin! [Salamat na rin kay Emz, na nagdildil sa akin na isulat ang blog na ito.. sa paniniwalang makakatulong ito sa karera ko. LOL]

Upang hindi naman isipin ng nakararami na umabot na sa utak ang lahat, nagpatabas ako nang buhok. Para lang ipakitang hindi ako ang tipong nakikisakay lang sa kasikatan nang iba. SILA ANG SUMASAKAY SA KASIKATAN KO! *tumbling tayo*

Putakte.

Nasa sementeryo kame nung Linggo.

Niyaya lang ako ng kachoir ko na dalawin raw namen yung tiyahin niya dahil araw ng kamatayan nito. Bale nagiisang kapatid na babae raw ito ng tatay nya. Syempre… dahil kaladkarin nga ako, sumama ako kaagad kahit medyo makulimlim na nuon dahil tag-ulan sa mahal kong MAKATI.

Sa madaling sabi, hindi na ko nagpatumpik-tumpik pa at sumama na kaagad kahit na sando lang ang suot ko.

Ikot dito. Ikot doon.

Kala ko naman, alam na niya yung hinahanap naming na puntod. Syempre ikot pa ren. Kasi nalimutan nya raw. May mga nitsong may disenyong naglalakihang Anghel at Krus ang nakita namen sa ibabaw ng mga mala-higanteng libingan sa South Cemetery [Oi.. plugging! Wahaha!]

Lahat na ng pinanganak na halos kasabayan ng tatay ng kaibigan ko e tiningnan ko na sa bawat lapida. BUWISET talaga… tagaktak na pawis ko sa kakaikot. JABBAR ito eh! Napagpasyahan namen na maghiwalay na lang para mas mabilis namen Makita ang puntod.

Ilang sandali pa ay narinig ko nang tuwang-tuwa ang kaibigan ko ng makita niya ang hinahanap namen. “ETO NA SI TITAAAA!” — Jusko. Salamat po after 2 hours nakita na ren namen.

Paglapit ko… napamura ako sa gitla. NAMP***! Sabi ko, “Bakit di mo kagad sinabi!? Sabi mo tita mo!?”

“Oo nga, tita ko… kaya lang namatay siya sa sakit nung 4 months pa lang siya!”

HANEP.

Malaki pa sa kahon ng sapatos ko ang libingan niya. Nampotek. Eto pa, nakalublob sa baha ang libingan ng pobreng matanda… este bata.

Loob-loob ko na lang e, hindi sakit ang kinamatay ng tiyahin niya… kundi LUNOD! Bwahaha!

CHRISTMAS BREAAAAAAAAAAAK!

I waited for a long while to at least enjoy a mere whole week of HOLIDAYS!

Last year, since I was still new at work, I was not able to avail of a long vacation leave that COERCED me to come to work the day after Christmas day and the day after NEW YEAR’S. It was like hell, I know, but practicality swept away all my lazy thoughts and all the evil that made me feel the lethargy which could have ended my career. Bwahaha!

Now, now… I am 5 days away from my dream, not just one, but two-week vacation! My FURLOUGH begins on DEC 22 ‘07 til JAN 6 ’08! That’s 16 days! 16 days! YAHOO! I was supposed to consider a new job during the start of DECEMBER since the company I applied for was in a haste in hiring new guys. I just felt a strong need to enjoy a short break so I begged for an extension. Plus, I have never experienced a REAL break since I started working.

I will dig on the pile of DVDs I purchased for THE HOLIDAYS. Also, I will start shopping for Xmas Gifts since I have not purchased anything yet, I am still contemplating if I will start going to the GYM as a resolution. Haha. My friends and I will hop on every cinema come filmfest week.

When I go back to work on January, everything will be fresh and new. I’ve never been so excited for the Holidays like this.

Side Story:

The company party was held last week, Dec 12^th at mag:net café in Bonifacio High Street. I always knew that I’m lucky in raffles, competitions and alike. That however big a company is, I would still grab one of the grand giveaways, if not the major prize at stake!

This party wasn’t so different; I was able to get a BRAND AWARD as voted for by my colleagues. Thanks to them. However, I was really looking forward to having a HOTEL ACCOMMODATION Gift Certificate more than anything else, that night!!!

DANG.

I went home empty-handed. I left the vicinity with not even a body scrub at hand. Hence, the lull.

SWALLOW. Went to see my favorite EENT [Otorhinolaryngologist] Specialist last night to consult on something that I’ve been feeling in my throat for the past 2 to 3 weeks.

Dr Roman Navarro, of Makati Medical Center, asked me to stretch my tongue out as he pulled it with a gauze-like napkin to see what’s going on with the toad in my throat. He saw slime alright. PHLEGM. I’ve been singing and eating and drinking with a tinge of weirdness when I swallow. It’s like a piece of flesh that is being “caressed” as I move that muscle. I felt my worst during the 2^nd week but decided and hoped to let it heal a bit first before taking it to the doctor. Thank God, it subsided as week 3 approaches. However, it’s still weird because there’s a sticky feeling that remained.

The doctor asked me if I have colds, but I don’t remember having even a momentary sniffle in the past few days. He’s certain that it’s from my nasal tract down. He should be, he’s the specialist. Haha. He told me that he can do some suctioning but my throat might bleed especially that I had a previous laryngeal bleeding condition. He then prescribed a medicine that would melt the sticky phlegm in a few days and do it’s natural flushing after awhile.

He told me that I might get runny nose, coughing and other signs related to this as I take the meds. Gah. I had my first sniffle immediately after taking the first dose.

PHYSICAL THERAPY SESSIONS. 7^th session of my back therapy at Makati Med, too. 3 more to go and I will totally become superhuman. Thanks to LARAE of the Physical Rehab and Medicine Dept for laying her SOLAR HANDS on me. Haha. — One thing I noticed at the PT dept was 80% of the clients are 3-4 times my age. The remaining 19.99% are speech therapy patients and I am a kryptonite casualty.

HANPHIL STEAM BEDS. There’s this esteemed spa at Jupiter Place in Jupiter St, Makati which offers their Magnetic Far Infrared Therapy Massage Rolling Bed free to the public. It has recorded thousands and thousands of healing testimonials from its patrons as they religiously lay there every single/other day in the beds for 20mins each, back and tummy up. The amazing results were seen especially to those people that I know who don’t have the means to go to the doctor for a regular check-up. Some of its benefits are as follows: Significant Pain Relief, Improve Memory and Sleep, Improve Blood Circulation, Massage Benefits & Deep Relaxation, Enhance Immune System, Liver Detoxification, Heavy Metal Body Cleanse, Increase Energy and Reduce Stress, Internal Cleansing with Full Body Cleanse, Improve Sexual Health.

The healing process is more effective when maintained with Alkaline Water consumption that this spa sells at a very economical price. I have been lying in their beds for 2 weeks now and believe or not, my throat slime that I mentioned earlier started getting better on the first two sessions I laid there. It’s unbelievable but really effective. The beds with their mighty layers do a good deep-heating effect that medicines don’t produce. My back and neck pains which are the reasons why I’m having a series of therapeutic sessions started going back to normal, too. Amazing talaga. I would like to thank the good hearts of HANPHIL PEOPLE for sharing this great invention to those who really need it. Aside from the healing beds, there’s free karaoke for those who are still waiting for their turn on the beds. Aint it a good bargain!?

—————————————————————————–

That’s doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. Harhar. I’m sick of being sick so I’m doing the healing process simultaneously by visiting HANPHIL beds regularly.

Yes, I am an OLD HAG.

I had a very weird dream last night.

It was all about my scholastic cum career path that’s been giving me some helluva stress ever, ever since. Here’s how it goes:

I was looking for a way to get inside De La Salle – Manila Campus to talk to the registrar’s office on how I can go back to school after two and a half years of absence because I realized that my life is getting nowhere.

I at least finished 2 years of Multimedia Arts courses but just decided to continue the remaining units at the PAMANTASAN NG MAKATI, which I did during those 2 yrs of being on LOA. Seriously now, I have nothing against public scholastic institutions but having a degree on a non-conventional curriculum under this particular school already limits the student to mediocre facilities and dated infrastructure as compared to a private organization.

Hence, I scoured the entire school after luring the security guard that I am there to get my “diploma” just to give the impression that I am an alumnus. I entered the campus and saw a shanty-like environment where the staffs are in their soiled casual attire and the registrar, upon opening the office door, was still toweling her hair dry after a shower.

I was flunked by several people that I know. One of them is a friend who sells barbecues along South Ave and her husband who drives tricycle for a living. I really don’t know what there roles are but they’re just there.

And I snuck out of it all as I awake. Meaning? Maybe I’m just too graphic about how educational background affects one’s chances in landing to the best future possible.

It is 645am. First November office day.

Before totally leaving the house, I took a peak at my diploma to see if the name of the school that’s written there is a De La Salle Institution and not anything else. :p

Harhar.

I don’t know if I can consider myself a master of my own since I easily handle parting situations quite well. I never found its correct description on any search engines, though I would like to say that I have and will continue to tolerate minor little heartbreaks that swamp me every now and then. Being open to possibilities is something I considered an ally to continue learning things as I go meeting other people. Hostility has never been an issue to anyone; it’s just I who tends to exaggerate it once in awhile.  Though I have talked to someone recently who lingered so much on the façade which hindered both of us to showing what really is skin-deep. 

Listening to NO REWIND, NO REPLAY by Jose Mari Chan, a song that accidentally popped while I was reading a eulogy by a former college professor. This was really a teaser.

On my way to the office I was already thinking of having this entry to vent out all my frustrations to the universal system of phone pals. That they will never realize the feelings they have if they do not feel the person they’re talking with physically. Hearing is good but seeing is king and feeling is everything.

Branding me as someone who’s virtually heartless is simply judgmental. I was even surprised that I am being touted as a super-villain with every word that I utter just because I initially punned on my savior complexities. I thrashed every second of our conversation to convince another that I may be as candid and blunt with putting things up but I am not even remotely close to being evil when I speak about it and it will NEVER be anything against the person. 

One thing I can be very proud of is that I can live each new day without total association to the past events in my life. I totally recognize a new person I meet unique to others. I never put them in stereotypes which make them prove their real worth as a subject. I NEVER EVER JUDGE A PERSON’S BELIEFS and WORTH until I finally get to see them react on things not necessarily directly connected to anyone of us. Maybe it’s just the upbringing and I can’t blame my parents for raising me up in a military straight-to-the-point way. 

I tried going back to talking with someone I surrendered talking with a few weeks ago just to give myself another chance that this person is someone I think would make a great impact to me. After deleting all connections and forms of communication, I went back. Indeed, a great deal of my acerbic wit was put into compromise just because this person thinks I am somewhat close to a living form of mockery. I am making this entry to let anyone who reads this blog know how I am so dismayed by the fact that I got DUMPED without due process. Romantically, I guess it’s even more of a crime when you judge a person just because he says he’s like this and that without physical proof of any. 

Maybe it’s an issue of security and ease but I always have strong reservations to tomfoolery when I talk about being affectionate. I will never close my doors for the possibility that we may still be together some time soon. It is just now that I can get to really talk again for the longest time. As in. I forgot to thank YOU for wasting hours with me on the phone. For me, those are moments worth looking back at. 

The ultimate test of love is to get bored with someone you basically fancy and I hope it’s not the end of it all. Accusing me of being someone who can just crumple and throw some good stuff like a paper is a fallacy. I valued every nanosecond my memories. I just don’t linger in them. I’m just a text message away cause I will never wrong you for things that I’ve never proven wrong. 

[Almost] Same songs in our MP3 collection. 

Same knack for films. 

You enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating.

These are such compatibilities that should never be put to waste. 

No rewind, no replay –– the chance I lose today will be gone but at least we can still salvage what’s left in the play list. 

I will wait for your holler while I continue listening to the same music we shared together. With this little recollection, I feel that I still am not a master of saying goodbyes. Not just yet. 

[MY ONLY BLOG TO DATE without HAHA or LAUGHS in the content—I just noticed]

I’ve always thought that I am Almighty. That no one could ever make me feel the same way I did when I broke up with a domestic partner a couple of years ago.

I almost thought I was indestructible and capable of handling things as plain as they were. I thought I can get the love of whosever love I want to get with just some sheer charm coupled with a blunt humor.

Now, I seem like someone who just begs to get noticed. I am suffering right now. Suffering from the immeasurable self-disgust that I’m feeling from misinterpreted gestures. It hurts when I slowly realize how futile and inadequate my efforts are to gain one’s attention to finally having someone be called “mine”.

A year ago, I’ve been so hostile. I didn’t entertain the idea that I am in the way of having a then budding relationship that is now breaking my heart since it will never happen anytime soon. I am more regretful with the idea that I didn’t give myself a chance to know the character. I am more of a wreck right now than anyone else in this room.

Nah. Never been mine. I just thought it was on that direction, but no. I was expecting too much, maybe. Hehe. A realization:

“If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart…”

“…The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away…” [Thanks to LEAN's latest blog entry]

It’s just OUCH for me right now.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
At some point in our lives,
We meet wonderful people.
So wonderful that we fall for them,
and think that they feel the same way too.
But the truth is… they are just nice.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=–=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I will never be hostile again. =’(

I will not be talking about myself — So, zip it.

HOLLYWOOD has turned a lot of geeks, nerds and hopeless cases in the looks department into BIG SWANS. Now, these guys are reaping tons of dough for looking good and earning more than an executive could earn.

In the local setting, Philippine show business has changed the face of a Filipina into a diva icon – after a nose bleeding Calayan or Belo overhaul. Filipinos tend to emulate the western perspective in beauty and lifestyle.

We all have witnessed how the ugly ducklings from ABC’s EXTREME MAKEOVER show transformed to gods and goddesses. The multi-million dollar show changed the beliefs of many viewers from just accepting what was given to them to emancipating from their psychological agony by succumbing to the knife, too. Many are enthused by any superstar’s presence and that’s what many people want to feel when their loved ones are around. At least, to feel that they/we are special too.

Looks, unfortunately, is also a basis of one’s fate in reality shows. Say… uhm.. American Idol. I never knew that there’s such a craze until I learned that a Filipina made it through American Idol 3. Blah.

I thought it’s just a mere talent competition that makes a one day superstar out of its winners [and finalists]; but no, it is a popularity competition through text and call votes which counted out the ULTIMATE SINGER ELLIOTT YAMIN during his season. Why so?

His hobbit-like features neglected the great voice that only ELLIOTT himself can blow. Hence, his votes dropped because his looks didn’t pass the “SINGING-SENSATION-MATINEE-IDOL” qualities. In total fairness to Elliott’s fans, they have supported him well enough to take him to third place.

Man, I gotta tell you, I was in vain looking for an MP3 of a song [title I dint even know] I’ve been hearing for days. Thanks to launch.yahoo, I learned the title of the song and also, I discovered that it was ELLIOTT who sang it! That’s really a big talent there; but that’s beside the point. He would not get that big break if he wont pose as a new Beverly Hills 90210 alumni in his album cover.

A few months after a bit of cosmetic dentistry and some extra surgical procedures, ELLIOTT YAMIN comes back with a fresh new album that includes WAIT FOR YOU, which is still looping in my player right now, a cut in his album that made me crazy squeezing the internet for.

This is the entertainment biz kissing the futures of frog princes to stardom.

We are a world of frog princes and princesses waiting for the opportunity of stardom to kiss our way too. it’s just that I look better than most of the frogs out there! – Asteg.

Tuesday midnight’s rains were horrific. Sure, there were no howling echoes like that of Milenyo, the Sept ‘06 super typhoon has brought us, yet it still gave me the same chills Milenyo had me last year. The tent we’re loitering at the middle of the street that night was swerving. The then already ebbing flood tripled again with the big heavy drops of sky tears.  It was really something to BLOG about. It’s 3am when that happened and I swore to myself that if the rains don’t stop or at least subside in the morning, then, NO OFFICE DAY for me!

Since I was raised in the land of broken promises, I still went to the office at 730 and worked til a little past 5 since I have to attend to my church obligations at 6, Wednesday night. It practically rained the whole day and I swam my way going to and leaving the office. I only had a couple hours of sleep and I decided to rest my eyes a bit while I was at the air conditioned AYALA LOOP passenger jeepney. It’s alright for me to do that because I have my cell phone, that’s usually on my hand, already zipped inside my bag safely. My tri-fold umbrella was securely tucked in between my legs and my wristwatch like no other was latched at my left arm, which I inserted inside my jacket’s side-pocket [rhyme eh!?]

Time to disembark at St Andrew’s Parish… The door was opened for me by a very good man since it was dark inside the jeepney that makes it hard to find the door lever. After I said my thanks, I went down the street hastily since it was, again, pouring kingkongs and godzillas that I had to run going inside the church. I heard somebody calling, but since it was raining really hard, I hardly understood what was being shouted, and of course, I just ignored. When I was already close to the church entrance, as I turn right from the parking area, I saw a man in red tri-fold umbrella; folded baggy pants, white-collared shirt and slippers waving at me. At first I thought it’s someone I know from the church, but as we went closer together, I noticed that he’s waving with my wallet on his hand. OMG! I forgot to keep it inside my bag pocket after paying the driver which is very unusual for me.

My eyes widened and I felt the chills at the back of my neck when I identified that that wallet is really mine. I am again, super grateful to this man, who at the very least, took time to run after me even if it’s not his stop yet just to give me back the wallet I irresponsibly lost for 60 seconds.

And yes, this man is the same man who opened the jeepney door for me that I said thanks to. This man whose good deed didn’t get unpunished; since he faced the high water just like I did is a gift to people who need such heroes. Whoever you are, again, my heartfelt thanks, man.

I didn’t offer him money cause I thought it would insult the person just the same way I would feel if I’d run after a person who will accidentally leave his wallet. Also, I didn’t have Pinoy cash inside my wallet except from the remaining coins left not even enough to get him to another jeep. Haha. What makes my wallet very valuable aside from my ATM cards, IDs, doctor’s prescriptions and some HK dollars is my picture with SM Tina and Superfriend Idjea. Bwahaha!

Good Samaritans exist. If there’s something I lost that day, it would have to be my skepticism that honest guys don’t wear beard. Peace \m/. Haha.

That’s my little swearing not to go to work the night before prophesied.

Ts been two consecutive nights since I started sleeping before 830PM. I’m not yet insane, thank God. My constant burping after dinner triggered my untimely sleeping. I just thought that if I’d sleep early, I won’t feel like burping anymore.

There have been some advantages anyway.

1] I don’t feel sleepy in the office anymore [Or do I? wahaha!]. Well, not in long meetings, at least.

2] I have replenished the sleepless nights I previously had.

3] I get less irritated when waking up. Haha. And yes, I wake up at 7am. You do the MATH! Wahaha!

The disadvantages list is longer though, here’s what I missed:

1] Missed the late night fun with my friends.

2] Was not able to see the late night shows I religiously watch when I get home at around 3am.

3] I am not updated with the latest activities my normal nights usually have.

4] My night walks, which is my [only] form of exercise were missed.

5] The custard cake I buy at 11pm, before the bakery near Chuck’s house closes, misses me too.

6] Short talks with Maam Iris and her bf, Marlo.

7] Constant fellowship. Someting Ive been doing since I was 13 years old.

8] Lugaw [Rice Porridge] at Santa Ana.

9] Jumbo Burger at Burger Machine — South Ave cor JPRizal.

10] Videoke or Acoustic serenading wherever it may be.

11] No news for my colleagues the following working day.

12] Half of my life.

So basically, disadvantages overshadow the benefits I reap from sleeping early. Haha. I promise today that I will not sleep until dawn and til my mom sends me a billion text messages reminding me how stubborn I am to stay up until the wee hours despite my situation. She thinks that my throat bled because of lack of sleep. Naught!

Oh yeah, going back to my burping… my brother, who shares a room with me, told me that I don’t burp anymore when I’m asleep. I just fart… a lot! Bwahahaha!

Anyway, see you soon nocturnal beings!