PHONE, MP3 and a lil SURPRISE

I don’t know if I can consider myself a master of my own since I easily handle parting situations quite well. I never found its correct description on any search engines, though I would like to say that I have and will continue to tolerate minor little heartbreaks that swamp me every now and then. Being open to possibilities is something I considered an ally to continue learning things as I go meeting other people. Hostility has never been an issue to anyone; it’s just I who tends to exaggerate it once in awhile.  Though I have talked to someone recently who lingered so much on the façade which hindered both of us to showing what really is skin-deep. 

Listening to NO REWIND, NO REPLAY by Jose Mari Chan, a song that accidentally popped while I was reading a eulogy by a former college professor. This was really a teaser.

On my way to the office I was already thinking of having this entry to vent out all my frustrations to the universal system of phone pals. That they will never realize the feelings they have if they do not feel the person they’re talking with physically. Hearing is good but seeing is king and feeling is everything.

Branding me as someone who’s virtually heartless is simply judgmental. I was even surprised that I am being touted as a super-villain with every word that I utter just because I initially punned on my savior complexities. I thrashed every second of our conversation to convince another that I may be as candid and blunt with putting things up but I am not even remotely close to being evil when I speak about it and it will NEVER be anything against the person. 

One thing I can be very proud of is that I can live each new day without total association to the past events in my life. I totally recognize a new person I meet unique to others. I never put them in stereotypes which make them prove their real worth as a subject. I NEVER EVER JUDGE A PERSON’S BELIEFS and WORTH until I finally get to see them react on things not necessarily directly connected to anyone of us. Maybe it’s just the upbringing and I can’t blame my parents for raising me up in a military straight-to-the-point way. 

I tried going back to talking with someone I surrendered talking with a few weeks ago just to give myself another chance that this person is someone I think would make a great impact to me. After deleting all connections and forms of communication, I went back. Indeed, a great deal of my acerbic wit was put into compromise just because this person thinks I am somewhat close to a living form of mockery. I am making this entry to let anyone who reads this blog know how I am so dismayed by the fact that I got DUMPED without due process. Romantically, I guess it’s even more of a crime when you judge a person just because he says he’s like this and that without physical proof of any. 

Maybe it’s an issue of security and ease but I always have strong reservations to tomfoolery when I talk about being affectionate. I will never close my doors for the possibility that we may still be together some time soon. It is just now that I can get to really talk again for the longest time. As in. I forgot to thank YOU for wasting hours with me on the phone. For me, those are moments worth looking back at. 

The ultimate test of love is to get bored with someone you basically fancy and I hope it’s not the end of it all. Accusing me of being someone who can just crumple and throw some good stuff like a paper is a fallacy. I valued every nanosecond my memories. I just don’t linger in them. I’m just a text message away cause I will never wrong you for things that I’ve never proven wrong. 

[Almost] Same songs in our MP3 collection. 

Same knack for films. 

You enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating.

These are such compatibilities that should never be put to waste. 

No rewind, no replay –– the chance I lose today will be gone but at least we can still salvage what’s left in the play list. 

I will wait for your holler while I continue listening to the same music we shared together. With this little recollection, I feel that I still am not a master of saying goodbyes. Not just yet. 

[MY ONLY BLOG TO DATE without HAHA or LAUGHS in the content—I just noticed]

MISERABLE SLASHED EYEBROW

 

I’ve always thought that I am Almighty. That no one could ever make me feel the same way I did when I broke up with a domestic partner a couple of years ago.

I almost thought I was indestructible and capable of handling things as plain as they were. I thought I can get the love of whosever love I want to get with just some sheer charm coupled with a blunt humor.

Now, I seem like someone who just begs to get noticed. I am suffering right now. Suffering from the immeasurable self-disgust that I’m feeling from misinterpreted gestures. It hurts when I slowly realize how futile and inadequate my efforts are to gain one’s attention to finally having someone be called “mine”.

A year ago, I’ve been so hostile. I didn’t entertain the idea that I am in the way of having a then budding relationship that is now breaking my heart since it will never happen anytime soon. I am more regretful with the idea that I didn’t give myself a chance to know the character. I am more of a wreck right now than anyone else in this room.

Nah. Never been mine. I just thought it was on that direction, but no. I was expecting too much, maybe. Hehe. A realization:

“If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart…”

“…The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away…” [Thanks to LEAN's latest blog entry]

It’s just OUCH for me right now.

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At some point in our lives,
We meet wonderful people.
So wonderful that we fall for them,
and think that they feel the same way too.
But the truth is… they are just nice.

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I will never be hostile again. =’(

SUMMER = Envy

I’ve been staring to a million and one resort images for the past 8 mos and I never got to see even one in person.

This maybe, is the irony of working as a web designer. Your knowledge of the things that you directly work with is just far from empirical experience.

Argh.. I need a vacation! HUMDRUM. Yeah, that’s what I am feeling right now.

I just want to see myself exceling and learning new things in fields that are dominated by others, may it be familiar to me or otherwise. To begin with, I wanna learn how to SWIM PROPERLY! At least, this talent would affect me when I begin to build my dreams on being hailed as a swim champ. Bwehehe.

Haha.

I wanna see myself in videos where I fly underwater and gain phase by just some simple arm-foot combos.

I knew it. SUMMER brings envy; Envy to other people who are frolicking right now in the beaches that I only see in pictures. Students who just finished the entire academic year and are only waiting to get a “tan”. I bet this is the effect of the images I stare at all the time.

Good thing is, next week would be Holy Week and Holy Week means HOLIDAYS! This season of Lent is something I look forward to each and every year. Of course, this is a sure ball non-working HOLIweek that extends up to another, what do you know, HOLIDAY! Wuhoo… APRIL 9th. A local holiday. Yeah, this happens rarely.I gotta buy swimming paraphernalia – surfboard shorts; shades; visors; and…

Get the tan of my life. Kidding.

I dont wanna get toasted…. I look like a native swine whenever I grill myself under the sun.

One thing for sure, I would be checking out at least one beach this super break and be the IAN THORPE that I dreamt of and squeeze out my unharnessed gills and fins…. =P

BATTLEcry

My first here…

Here’s a lot.. IM TELLING YOU!

Been to great distress. Skank!

Not even the worst calamities can ever dampen the spirits of the PRADA clients I recently had. Blah! Blah! Blah!

The most sinister bitches from hell together with their defocused perspective have connived to blatantly bombard me with extra work which I am not supposed to do. Every single detail of their “supposed-to-do” list were piled up to me. I can actually start selling these cds they gave me to TRAVEL PORTALS to get even with ‘em. Haha.

It really was a HELL ON EARTH from Mid-October til late JANUARY. Imagine, even Christmas season didnt get spared from the fury of these uncanny dogs when they tried to convince me to come to the office to wrap up their vanity site.

I commend those people (LECHA, TINAPIE, ALF) who supported me through and through, sharing my agony with every piece of UNRESIZED IMAGE and every detail of the IMPERFECT SWOOSH we have gotten to assimilate the prowess of the client’s dream look.

This is not a post of rejoice because there’s nothing to rejoice about! None yet. The site is still not up and live but it already feels like it, since it is the second day in my entire season that I had the opportunity to breathe some air and remember that I also have other sites to mind about.

This is a post of grievance, for all the hard-unnoticed-work; for all the over-load/time; for all the red tape and crap and overtaxes. Gah. For all of you who feel neglected by your plea to transparency especially with your monthly $.. this is our battlecry.