PHONE, MP3 and a lil SURPRISE

I don’t know if I can consider myself a master of my own since I easily handle parting situations quite well. I never found its correct description on any search engines, though I would like to say that I have and will continue to tolerate minor little heartbreaks that swamp me every now and then. Being open to possibilities is something I considered an ally to continue learning things as I go meeting other people. Hostility has never been an issue to anyone; it’s just I who tends to exaggerate it once in awhile.  Though I have talked to someone recently who lingered so much on the façade which hindered both of us to showing what really is skin-deep. 

Listening to NO REWIND, NO REPLAY by Jose Mari Chan, a song that accidentally popped while I was reading a eulogy by a former college professor. This was really a teaser.

On my way to the office I was already thinking of having this entry to vent out all my frustrations to the universal system of phone pals. That they will never realize the feelings they have if they do not feel the person they’re talking with physically. Hearing is good but seeing is king and feeling is everything.

Branding me as someone who’s virtually heartless is simply judgmental. I was even surprised that I am being touted as a super-villain with every word that I utter just because I initially punned on my savior complexities. I thrashed every second of our conversation to convince another that I may be as candid and blunt with putting things up but I am not even remotely close to being evil when I speak about it and it will NEVER be anything against the person. 

One thing I can be very proud of is that I can live each new day without total association to the past events in my life. I totally recognize a new person I meet unique to others. I never put them in stereotypes which make them prove their real worth as a subject. I NEVER EVER JUDGE A PERSON’S BELIEFS and WORTH until I finally get to see them react on things not necessarily directly connected to anyone of us. Maybe it’s just the upbringing and I can’t blame my parents for raising me up in a military straight-to-the-point way. 

I tried going back to talking with someone I surrendered talking with a few weeks ago just to give myself another chance that this person is someone I think would make a great impact to me. After deleting all connections and forms of communication, I went back. Indeed, a great deal of my acerbic wit was put into compromise just because this person thinks I am somewhat close to a living form of mockery. I am making this entry to let anyone who reads this blog know how I am so dismayed by the fact that I got DUMPED without due process. Romantically, I guess it’s even more of a crime when you judge a person just because he says he’s like this and that without physical proof of any. 

Maybe it’s an issue of security and ease but I always have strong reservations to tomfoolery when I talk about being affectionate. I will never close my doors for the possibility that we may still be together some time soon. It is just now that I can get to really talk again for the longest time. As in. I forgot to thank YOU for wasting hours with me on the phone. For me, those are moments worth looking back at. 

The ultimate test of love is to get bored with someone you basically fancy and I hope it’s not the end of it all. Accusing me of being someone who can just crumple and throw some good stuff like a paper is a fallacy. I valued every nanosecond my memories. I just don’t linger in them. I’m just a text message away cause I will never wrong you for things that I’ve never proven wrong. 

[Almost] Same songs in our MP3 collection. 

Same knack for films. 

You enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating.

These are such compatibilities that should never be put to waste. 

No rewind, no replay –– the chance I lose today will be gone but at least we can still salvage what’s left in the play list. 

I will wait for your holler while I continue listening to the same music we shared together. With this little recollection, I feel that I still am not a master of saying goodbyes. Not just yet. 

[MY ONLY BLOG TO DATE without HAHA or LAUGHS in the content—I just noticed]

MISERABLE SLASHED EYEBROW

 

I’ve always thought that I am Almighty. That no one could ever make me feel the same way I did when I broke up with a domestic partner a couple of years ago.

I almost thought I was indestructible and capable of handling things as plain as they were. I thought I can get the love of whosever love I want to get with just some sheer charm coupled with a blunt humor.

Now, I seem like someone who just begs to get noticed. I am suffering right now. Suffering from the immeasurable self-disgust that I’m feeling from misinterpreted gestures. It hurts when I slowly realize how futile and inadequate my efforts are to gain one’s attention to finally having someone be called “mine”.

A year ago, I’ve been so hostile. I didn’t entertain the idea that I am in the way of having a then budding relationship that is now breaking my heart since it will never happen anytime soon. I am more regretful with the idea that I didn’t give myself a chance to know the character. I am more of a wreck right now than anyone else in this room.

Nah. Never been mine. I just thought it was on that direction, but no. I was expecting too much, maybe. Hehe. A realization:

“If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart…”

“…The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away…” [Thanks to LEAN's latest blog entry]

It’s just OUCH for me right now.

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At some point in our lives,
We meet wonderful people.
So wonderful that we fall for them,
and think that they feel the same way too.
But the truth is… they are just nice.

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I will never be hostile again. =’(